sweet misery.

MOVED.

2007-12-03T12:37:00.001+08:00

Hello Blogger. I just wanted to say thank you for all our good and not-so-good moments. Thanks for being so user-friendly that I might actually get sick of Livejournal and move back here. [LOL] But yea. Thanks for being there when I needed to vent out all my frustrations. Thank you for making it easy for me to upload pictures. THANK YOU. But unfortunately, all good things come to an end. And I choose to leave you not because I don't like you anymore, but merely because I need a new journal to write in. One where I could introduce the [hopefully] better and happier side of me. Here's to our one year together. :]

[Click to be relocated]
And besides, Livejournal has LJ cuts. I mean, come on. Haha. Kidding. But yea. I won't delete this blog because I've written too many things here and posted pictures that I don't have other copies of. So thanks, blogger. You'll forever be in my heart.

**

So you might have noticed it's the same link as my Xanga because I made that account right about the time I made a Xanga account and I don't wanna make a new one cause that means thinking of another username and that's hard. Haha. Dapat kasi onceuponastar kaya lang meron na, tapos starlightstarbright kaya land hindi enough yung characters. So I said, WTH. Let's just use that one.

CHEM LOVE.

2007-11-27T11:56:00.000+08:00

I have been having so much fun lately in Chemistry. So, this is a picture of how our seating arrangements look like. There's mostly 4 people at a table so...

(Click for full view)

Ok. So, at our table, we have 2 girls and 2 boys and MAN. I LOVE OUR FREAKING TABLE. It's so much fun. Actually, Michelle is not included in that because she always leaves us and goes to another table but that's ok. Kyle goes to our table however and sits on the side between me and Chase. And, when those three talk it is sooooooo funny. I can't even tell you guys how much. I remembered saying that I can talk a lot better with guys and I can relate to them better and all. It's weird but it's true. So anyways, we had this conversation last week...

ME: CHASE! You're turning red.
CHASE: Yea.. That's what happens to white, fat boys. [LOL] Well, that's what happens to redheaded white fat boys. [LOL more.]
JARRED: ...So I guess you're a firecrotch then.

EVERYBODY STARES AT EACH OTHER.

CHASE: Yea. I guess you could say that.

HAHAHAHAHAHA. It's kinda disgusting and nasty but you should admit that it is funny.

And then one time, Jarred and Chase were telling jokes and this I think was the funniest. It's kinda mean though.

JARRED: What did a deaf, dumb, blind baby get for Christmas?
CHASE: What?
JARRED: Cancer.

As Chase would say, it's not being mean... it's critical humor. Haha. And then today, Monday, we were all just talking and stuff. And then Chase, cause he's kinda fat, started touching his man boobs. I was spaced out and when I saw that, I was like... "OHMYGOD."

And then Kyle said that he was trying to ignore it and we all started laughing. MAN. I love Chemistry. :]]

**

I just wanted to say that I'm planning on moving to Livejournal. I've had an account there for forever and I've only started using it again. And I like how you can make an LJ cut in there so that when you people are bored with me, you don't actually have to read it. LMAO. And LJ has no tagboard so kelangan nyo mag comments. Pwede naman yung walang accounts e. Anonymous nga lang so leave your names and all. Pareho pa nga ng name yung LJ ko sa Old Xanga ko e. I dunno. I'll think about it.

Tsaka, medyo mahirap pictures dun. Kelangan ko muna i upload sa photobucket tapos tsaka ko lang sya maeembed and all. So, I'm not sure yet. We'll wait and see. Baka yung next entry ko, it'll probably say that I've moved or something.

**

And yea, I just wanted to say that I will be on a hiatus. I don't know when I'll be back but I will be, that is when I have things to say and all.

HIGH SCHOOL

2007-11-10T11:41:00.001+08:00

I have this so-called "friend" in PE II who's pissing me off.

MONDAY:
We volunteered to play volley tennis since there aren't enough rackets to play tennis. We thought that it'd be fun and it actually was. Only Beth --my "friend"-- was getting annoyed with Becca because Becca wasn't playing by the rules and she kept doing stupid stuff. But come on, rules are boring. Me and the other people thought it was funny though. Apparently, Beth didn't think so.

WEDNESDAY:
We were first to the rackets so we played tennis, me and Beth on the same side of the court. This is the day that she pissed me off so bad I wanted to strangle. Which of course I did...

IN MY HEAD. Haha. Anyways, she went on bossing me around, asking me to pick up the ball so that she can use them. I did pick up the ball cause I'm just kind like that and all. And there was one time, I picked up the ball and she told me to give it to her so she could serve and I told her that I was gonna serve it. She rolled her stupid eyes at me and then said that I wouldn't even be able to hit it over the net. But I did. And she UNDERESTIMATED me. And the ball that I served went to the correct side of the opposite court too. X_X

FRIDAY:
Not enough people volunteered to play volley tennis, so the substitute teacher picked us and Beth was like... "Please. I'll do anything just not to play with Becca." O_O BITCH! Everyone was like pissed off at her and Becca said that not a lot of people like her [Becca], but Lauren --Becca's friend-- said that there are more people who don't like Beth because she's a bitch and can't get over herself. While we were walking to the court, AMANDA said that Becca made the game fun. Then Beth butted in saying that..."No. She makes it stupid." And then Amanda replied that..."No. That's bullshit Elizabeth. She made it fun. Rules are boring." And Beth just rolled her eyes. So in the end, Me, Becca, Lauren and Amanda played tennis and Beth and some other people played volley tennis.

And I swear I had so much fun. Lauren and Becca are so funny! All in all, even though I got hit twice [side of my face and shoulder] by the tennis ball, I had the most fun I've had in months.

**

You see, I can't really ditch Beth because she's a bitch and she's just gonna be mean to me all year if I do that. Plus, I don't know who to go with. I mean, I like Becca and all but I feel out of place with her and Lauren. And Amanda hangs out with someone else so.. yea. And my greatest friend ever, Jessica told me that I should just suck it up and try to pretend that I like her.

HIGH SCHOOL'S MESSED UP. BITCHES ALL AROUND. X[

HAHAHA

2007-10-31T06:24:00.000+08:00

I just had my hair rebonded last Sunday and I sat there for 5 freaking hours. This is what I look like now.

**

October 29th -- Monday

During English, Joey the guy who sits in front of me had this to say about my hair.

JOEY: What did you do to your head?
FATIMA: I got it straightened. Why?
JOEY: Aren't you Asian?
FATIMA: Yea, but I don't have naturally straight hair like other Asians.
JOEY: Yea I know. I'm half Chinese.

And he talked about other things and I forgot what they were but his comment made me happy. He's like the only guy who ever said anything about my hair. And that made me happy because I am somewhat obsessed with my hair. HAHAHA. Yes, I am shallow like that.

**
October 31st -- Halloween

I didn't go trick-or-treating I just stayed at home and gave away candy. But it was fun. I got to see all the cute little kids dressed up and they were so adorable. I only handed out candy until 8:30 pm though because I got tired and all and I wanted to go to sleep really badly.

**

November 3 -- Friday

Some guy went up to me during lunch after I went out from the bathroom and was about to go to my English class. Then he said the weirdest thing.

GUY: Hey! Do you know that kid? In the blue shirt? He likes you.

And I was thinking to myself, "WTF? If this is a joke, it is not funny." And then he kept pointing to his friend and I said...

FATIMA: Okaaaaay.... O_O I didn't even see him.
GUY: You didn't? There he is. He has short hair and is wearing the blue shirt.

And I kept looking. And when I still didn't see him [the hallway was kinda dark] I walked away, happy to be eating my granola bar in peace. HAHAHAHA.

IF THAT WAS A JOKE, THAT'S MEAN AND I'M GONNA KILL HIM.

They didn't realize that now is not the time to be making jokes like that cause I am emotionally drained and I just came from a really tough situation. I am gonna talk about it probably next week. I don't think I can fully relate what I'm going through right now.

ON THE SAME DAY HOWEVER... Joey talked to me and told me a story about himself. Seeing Avenged Sevenfold live and all and how he's injured and stuff. This guy is really vain I am telling you. He straightens his hair and asks me how it looks like. There was one time he asked if his hair looked soft and I said no. And he said that it is. And I just kept looking at him. Haha. He's crazy about his hair.

Like me. :]]

**
My friend in PE class left Las Vegas today and she moved to California. It was sad. I mean, I only knew her for a couple of weeks but I really like her and she's like one of the few friends that I have.

BRITTNEY CARDINALLI, I'M GONNA MISS YOU SO MUCH!

HUHU.

2007-10-17T08:21:00.000+08:00

MAY B+ AKO! It's not so much of a big deal but I used to have straight A's. Panira yung kaisa isa kong B. Sa PE I pa sya. The thing is, I don't have a B in PE II which is pretty much the same with PE I so I am kind of annoyed.

**

ENGLISH: I was talking to Joseph/Joey whatever. I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME. Tapos sabi ko,

"I'm hungry."

E kasi nung isang araw nanghihingi sya ng dollar. Kasi bibili daw sya ng ticket ng Avenged Sevenfold at kulang nalang daw ng two dollars. Sabi ko hindi pwede kasi gagamitin ko. Tapos sabi nya kanina.

"You want a dollar?"

"Why?"

"So you could buy something. See, that's the difference between you and me. I would've given you a dollar."

"Haha. No thanks."

WALA LANG. ISN'T THAT NICE?

I AM STILL ANNOYED BY THE B+ THOUGH. KELANGAN KO MAKA A+ BUKAS SA PE! Arrrr.

**
[EDIT:]

SHARE KO LANG BAGO KONG NAKITANG PICTURE NI TOM FELTON. Hihi. 20 years old na sya!

YO.

2007-10-13T22:57:00.000+08:00

I am so proud of myself. Congratulate me. Haha. First of all, I had the highest score in Chemistry out of all the 4 classes my teacher has. And they're all Juniors, I on the other hand is a Sophomore. HAHAHAHA.

And, in PE, my talents [?] in volleyball have been recognized. When we were asked to play the other teacher's best team, our teacher, Ms. Glass came up to me and said.. "Fatima, get up there and play."

"WHY?"

"Because you can serve really well."

HAHAHA. Yea. I'm great. Haha.

**

We had a test in Health for CPR and I'm pretty sure I killed it. So that means I am going to get CPR-certified. Haha. Which is weird since I had a dream last night about a man collapsing and I had to do CPR and he lived. Haha. I'm already paranoid about it.

BIRTHDAY WEEKEND.

2007-10-08T01:17:00.000+08:00

Last Thursday midnight, [Western Standard Time] I called the Philippines. It didn't go as nice as I would have liked it but it's okay I guess. The connection was bad, the card freaking lied -- I was still supposed to have 21 minutes to talk but we only talked for like, 6 minutes -- and I wasn't able to properly talk to people. Oh well.

**

SATURDAY:

I got my own computer! So, so happy. :]] My grand aunt gave us the money to buy it so yea. Haha. I wish I could've gone to Bellagio or something. I wanted to go to the Venetian hotel because they have a Spongebob ride there. It's 4D or something. Haha.

SUNDAY:

Yea. That's today when I'm making this post. I think I'm gonna have my hair straightened today. Haha. That would be awesome. :]

GOTH KID.

2007-10-04T06:50:00.001+08:00

WOOO. I finally found the goth kid's myspace. And fortunately, it's not set on private so you can see his pictures. He's the kid that wears pink makeup around his eyes. So freaking cool. :]

LINK!

WORLD HISTORY.

2007-10-03T08:38:00.000+08:00

I am telling you guys. World history is the best class ever. I got paired up with Connor today. Haha. :]] And we had this group quiz and our other member didn't really answer his part I answered all of it. So I said..

ME: I know this better than you.
CONNOR: Yea she does. Haha. <-- he really laughs here

And then this other time.. I passed him our papers so that he'd submit it forward.

CONNOR: *Looking at me* So I guess I'm going to turn this in..?
ME: Yea. I want you to turn it in. You did nothing!

Oh, and I loved his shirt. It was so cute. Pink and purple, and it's a Paramore band shirt.

ME: I love that band. The one on your shirt.
CONNOR: Everybody keeps saying that.
ME: *SMILE*
Yea. I'm obsessed. What can I say.

**

Anyways, I joined Key club and I am gonna volunteer next October 13th to help children with special needs. Aren't I nice? HAHA. :]] But seriously, I love kids and all you have to do is like, play with them. That sounds fun. And I got a cool, cool bracelet. It's orange and it says.. "Inspire by example."

Anywho, I have got to go sleep now. I am sleepy. And I have to watch the 2nd episode of the 4th season of House later tonight.

:]

INSPIRE BY EXAMPLE.

TAMING OF THE BITCH.

2007-09-27T12:55:00.000+08:00

September 25 sucks. I left my algebra book at home and then that day the teacher decided to check our freaking books if we have them. So I got a zero for that day. AN F!!! A freaking F. X_X And if that's not bad enough, I was very much tired that day.

**

26th! Woo. I love this day. Granted I'm still really tired since I stayed up late watching the season premiere of House MD [WHICH IS AWESOME!] So anyways.. went to school and watched "The Taming of the Shrew" by William Shakespeare. Very, very awesome show. Cute guy too. ;) HAHAHA. We had a substitute for World History so Dakota changed seats on the other side of the room, and they kept throwing this pen and one almost hit me. And then he came over and said..

DAKOTA: Hey. Did I hit you? I'm sorry.
ME: No you didn't.

:]

FREEZING. BRR.

2007-09-22T12:29:00.000+08:00

Can you imagine how cold it is in Vegas? Well.. It's so cold, even one jacket can't completely protect you from it. I swear, ever since this Monday it's been starting to get colder everyday.

**

And I didn't get in trouble, which mean Dakota did. I dunno if he's mad at me though. :]]

**

And I realized I should get more involved in school, like join a club or something cause after school.. I have nothing to do at home. Plus, extracurriculars look good for college applications. I wanna join a Battle of the Brains club that competes and all, and I also wanna do some volunteer work. I dunno. I think registrations for club are over. The reason I wasn't able to go was that I didn't have anyone to go with me. Pathetic reason but I feel uncomfortable going to something without someone with me. I dunno why.

**

Bagong picture ni Connor. Hopefully, he doesn't look gay here. Haha. :]]

He looks retarded though. Haha. :]]

COMP LAB

2007-09-19T06:26:00.000+08:00

PE II:
I freaking ran a mile! It's 4 laps around the track and field and my legs feel like dead weight. It's like I can't even walk anymore.

WORLD HISTORY:
We had our pictures taken for the yearbook and I asked if I could see it, and they said no. Which sucks cause I'm paying for it and I should see it cause I wanna know if it's any good. The photographer said I looked pretty. But I won't believe her. She doesn't look believable. Haha.

This conversation happened in History.

ALLEGRA: Flags of the World. I had a hard time looking for the US flag.
ME: Where is it?
ALLEGRA: The bottom, 2nd from left.
ME: Where?
ALLEGRA: There!
CONNOR: At the bottom. To your left, then the second one.
ME: *squinting*
DAKOTA: Go to the bottom. Then the 2nd on your left.
CONNOR: Dude, can't you see it? I could totally see it.
ME: I can see it. But it's fuzzy.
DAKOTA: Can't you see it?
ME: I can. But it's unclear. *squints a little more*

Haha. They are so paying attention to me. Actually, sumasabat lang sila nyan. Pero whatever. Hahahahaha. :]]

And then we went to the computer lab and Dakota and I are in the same group cause he's right in front of me. Then, when we were doing our work, he kept turning off my monitor. So I was like, "WTF?" And then I freaking punched him in the arm.

And I kept punching him cause I was bored, and he said, "OK. Let's stop with the hitting."

Then I said, "But I wanna hit you." :]

And this really sad conversation went up..

DAKOTA: So, I heard in the Philippines, when you get in a fight you can just pay the cops off.
ME: *laughing*
DAKOTA: Is that true?
ME: Yea..
DAKOTA: Why?
ME: Cause people there are corrupted.

SAD!!!

And I dunno if it's true but I overheard this convo..

THEM: Is it true you have cancer?
DAKOTA: Yea. :]
THEM: Why joke about it?
DAKOTA: Well.. why not?

SADDER!!!

VLOG.

2007-09-16T07:27:00.000+08:00

The video is up. You can view it in my Multiply page, or here.. if it works.

LINK!!

Video blog.

2007-09-14T08:57:00.000+08:00

Since Mae asked me, I did a video of myself saying things especially for my Pauling and Benevolence friends. I haven't uploaded it yet but I probably will this weekend cause my Mom's coming here in Vegas and I'm gonna borrow her phone cause we switched phones so she has the 5300 right now.

I'm actually planning to upload videos at least once in two weeks in YouTube. And I'll call it, a VIDEO BLOG. Clever huh? [HAHA] But for now.. I only have 2 videos. [I think.]

STALKEERRRR.

2007-09-13T05:58:00.001+08:00

Okay. So today, I had a crush on this other guy. And you wanna know why? Because he is like perfect in my eyes. Haha. :)) Okay, so he's funny, smart and good-looking. Like, what more can you ask for? He wants to join the military too. I don't know, I'm confused but I just like him as a friend cause he's really really nice. And we had a group work today and he's my groupmate and I also sit beside him, and we had tons of fun. He was really funny, cause we kept telling him to do everything. It was like..

"Dakota, do this."

"Dakota, pick up the pens."

"Dakota, throw that away."

And he kept complaining all through out and it was really funny. You should've been there.

**

Okay, so today I am officially a stalker. I found Dakota's myspace page and added him cause I know his last name. And I looked at his friend if I can see Connor and I did! But I can't add him because I have no idea what his last name is.

Here are their myspace pages. You can look for pictures. But let me tell you.. Dakota does not look good in this pictures. He's no photogenic I think. He looks better in person. But whatever.

Dakota's myspace --> LINK

Connor's myspace --> LINK

EDIT!
I just found another myspace page for Connor. Not sure if it's him but the picture he has on this one, is old. He doesn't look like that anymore. His hair is straighter and longer. But he's cute on here too. :D

LINK

ARR. See for yourself.

Oh and haven't you guys noticed that all my past entries have been about boys? I AM BOY CRAZY. This is gonna stop right here though. Haha.

Okaay.

2007-09-08T10:54:00.000+08:00

So apparently all of you have been making this big deal out of my crush. Which is not fair since I have three. HAHA. :))

These are my classes by the way.

1st period - PE I with Ms. Glass. I LOVE PE! My teacher is so fab. I have her twice in one day.
2nd period - Algebra II with Mrs. Campbell. Okay, I like her just because she can pronounce my name. But she gives a ridiculous amount of homework. Like, 90 problems in one day?!
3rd period - Health with Mrs. Eisen. I am liking this class because it's fun and my other crush is in here. His name is Scott. Haha.
4th period - Journalism with Mr. Siqueiros. This is a really fun class. I am telling you. I feel like journalism is gonna be a good subject for me. This is where I got my first A+! Yey. Haha.
5th period - PE II with Ms. Glass. DITTO!! I LOVE IT!!!
6th period - English II with Mrs. Smith. Well, all I can say is that this teacher is a BITCH. I'm not even kidding. The only good thing about this is that I talk with my crush, Joseph. Like every class. HAHAHAHA. >:))
7th period - World History with Ms. Rosero. I LOVE this subject. I got like all perfect scores in my quizzes. And this is where Connor is. Haha. He has long brown hair that falls around his face and it's really cute. And he has a piercing too. Haha. It's in his lip. So, so adorable.
8th period - Chemistry with Ms. Doran - She's Filipino so I like this class. Haha. But she fails students though. But I started off great. I have A LOT of extra credits already. Haha.

A days we have periods 1, 3, 5 and 7. B days we have periods 2, 4, 6 and 8. It's alternated everyday. So it's good.

**

I wanna tell you about this goth guy. All my friends in PE I has this HUGE crush on him. Cause he's really goth, with black hair and black clothes and piercings. And, get this. He wears pink [read: PINK!] eyeliner around his eyes. I mean, how adorable is that? I dunno with you guys. But I like goth guys. Haha.

**

The homecoming dance is on my birthday. And I'm not gonna go cause NOBODY'S gonna ask me. I mean, are you kidding?! God.

**

I'm sick. Like, I think I'm gonna have a fever or something. Haha.

i crush you. LOL.

2007-09-07T08:44:00.001+08:00

I have this crush on this guy in my World History class and today, September 6, we had our first real conversation. And it went like this.

ALLEGRA: Are we supposed to rewrite it? [Pertaining to our activity in World History where we only need one paper for a pair.]
ME: No. You're actually supposed to have, like, only one paper.
CONNOR: Are you serious?
ME: [Shocked but smiling] Yea...

All in all, I can say it was a great conversation.

YEA RIGHT. LOL.

SCHOOL!

2007-08-30T07:32:00.001+08:00

This is to be edited this weekend.

WOO. XD

EDIT!

First day of school - August 27

It was off to a bad start. It was raining and I took it as a sign of bad luck. It was.

I met one friend that I sit on the bus with everyday. At first I like her, but now.. she seems to be a little bit immature. What's sad is that I had no one to sit with at lunch, so.. I didn't eat. There are thousands of students in Palo Verde yet no one bothered to say Hi. When I was walking back home, a girl from our neighborhood opened her window and shouted,

"What up, bitch?"

Which if you ask me is really rude and mean since I don't even know her!

2nd-5th day

Things actually got better. Thank God. I met someone, Filipino, that I could sit with. So now, things aren't so bad.

Let's pray.

2007-08-17T02:48:00.000+08:00

I have been left in the house for 2 days already. I am all alone. And it's really really really boring. Anyways, I just wanted to say that:

Please pray for all the people affected by the earthquake in Peru. My grandma is still in Peru, so please pray that she's safe and well.

Thank you!

Update.

2007-08-16T00:11:00.000+08:00

Okay everybody. I'm okay, I guess I could be better but.. There's nothing I can do about it really. Unless anyone of you has a time machine I could use. But other than that. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Anyways, we went to school yesterday and turns out, I'm only in Grade 10 instead of Grade 11 since I'm too young daw. Which means three things for me:

1. Batchmates in the Philippines will be ahead of me in terms of graduation and
2. PROM! =c
3. There's still time for me to adjust since I need to do really really well in Grade 11 since my grades there will determine what college I'm gonna go to.

So, that's that I guess.

I have nothing more to say.

Nothing's real.

2007-08-03T05:14:00.000+08:00

Ok. First of all, a huge thank you to JIO for making this wonderful layout! She's so talented. :D

So, as usual. I don't have anything else to say. I'm starting to wonder if I should still continue this. I mean, I don't even tell you guys anything anymore.

Although, the main reason for that probably is because.. this is not my computer so I can't make frequent updates. But, when we move out and move in our house.. I'd probably be more active.

So, till then.

That will probably be next week. :D

God bless.

Hihi.

2007-07-23T05:57:00.000+08:00

Okay, so I just finished reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in under 12 hours. Haha. And I can't really tell anything because if I continue writing, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna end up writing spoilers so I'll just shut up now.

XD

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS IS TEH BOMB! XD Haha.

edit: as you can see from my new layout, nawala na yung ibang links. not to worry. i'll put it back up once i get a new layout. JIO! gawan mo ko! XD

ate laurene's survey.

2007-07-21T02:46:00.000+08:00

I have nothing else to write so I decided to do this. [Finally.]

1.) Where do you blog? I mean, what’s your host?
Blogger. But occasionally, I blog here too. I used to blog in Xanga but I thought it's not that versatile.

2.) How long have you been blogging? When did you start blogging?
I have been blogging, for 3 years. But it's not regular. My first blog was full of stupid posts and I only used it when I was bored. But since my vacation before 2nd year.. I have been blogging regularly. So, that's 2 years of regular blogging.

3.) What pushed you to start blogging?
Well, I had nothing to do and I thought Xanga was really cool, so I did. And I read Anlo's blog and it encouraged me to start my own.

4.) Why do you blog? What's the purpose of a blog in your case?
I started to blog because I had a lot of anger and sadness and stuff that I wanted to get out and I realized that writing is my outlet for that. But now, I blog because I want to update people of what's happening to my life since we moved here in the US.

5.) Why is your blog named like that?
Actually, I copied the title of my blog from another title. But I am gonna change it from, Sweet Misery to Nothing's real until it's gone. It's a lyric of a song from The Goo Goo Dolls. I thought it was really good and I liked it.

6.) How much do you know about HTML, CSS, PHP, Java, and Photoshop before?
I didn't really know much about HTML before. But since we took up HTML in our 2nd year, I know pretty much a lot of stuff. Before, I just used to experiment in Photoshop because I can't really understand the interface, but now.. I know a little. Haha.

7.) How much do you know about HTML, PHP, CSS, Java, and Photoshop now?
Like I said, I'm good with HTML and Photoshop. The other things though, nada.

8.) How frequent do you blog?
When I have the time and I have something to say. But now, not regularly.

9.) Who are your first friends in the blogging scene?
Anlo, because it was her blog that introduced me to the blogging world in the first place.

10.) Anyone who flamed you online? How did you handle the situation?
Fortunately, no one yet. No one has the guts. Haha.

11.) How many lay-out changes have you done? What is your fave? Did you make it yourself or did you get it from a site like BlogSkins?
About, 5 I think. And I only steal it from Blogskins. Haha.

12.) How long does you blog load?
It's pretty fast. But I think that's just because we have high-speed internet both here and in the Philippines. I don't know with dial-up though.

13.) How many hits are there in your SiteMeter?
I don't have that because I think it's pretty much just me who visits my own blog. Haha.

14.) How many URLs have you used?
3 from Xanga, 2 that I haven't actually used. 4 in Blogger. The other 2 are for school stuff, and the other one is never opened because I forgot my username. 1 Friendster, and 1 Myspace.

http://xanga.com/mycertainty

http://standing-at-the-edge.blogspot.com

http://friendster.com/gaysharawrr

http://myspace.com/gaysharawrr

15.) How many blogs do you have?
Two active ones. This one, and the Blogger one.

16.) What do you talk about in your blog?
About stuff that I know other people wouldn't really understand. Life, experiences, and whatever may come.

17.) Do you understand full well the Bloggers' Code of Ethics? What part do you practice? What part do you not practice?
I didn't even read the Bloggers' Code of Ethics. Haha. I'll work on it.

18.) Are you OC on grammar and typos?
Yes. But I'm really particular about the grammar because I love english. The typos only happen when I really don't know the spelling. Haha. Or if I accidentally pressed the wrong letter.

19.) Anyone who copied something from you? What did you do?
No. I don't think my writing's that good for somebody to copy it. Haha.

20.) Anyone who thought your blog's offensive? How did you deal?
No. I don't think so.

21.) Who are your favorite bloggers? What blogs do you frequent?
I frequent Kuya Aaron's blog. And Bea's blog. And Ate Paula's blog. And Ate Laurene's blog. And DQ's blog. These are actually my favorite blogs because I think they write really well.

22.) What is you favorite entry? Least favorite?
Nothing. I don't really remember some of my entries.

23.) What can you say about the people who open blogs just because it's the current fad? How do you feel about glitter graphics and sticky caps? What is your standpoint regarding the "Save the Vowels" campaign?
Well, whatever they wanna do. I don't like the glitter graphics though. The sticky caps thing, I was guilty once before. And the "Save the Vowels" campaign? I AM ALL FOR IT.

24.) Are you a camwhore? Where did that expression come from?
Yes. I AM! I have no idea where but I think I read it from someone's blog and I forgot which.

25.) Any favorite blog designers?
I forgot the name.

26.) Won any Blog Award? Or featured in any site?
Haha. I wish.

27.) Who frequently comments on your blog?
No commenting on my blog. I can't figure out how to put HaloScan. Haha.

28.) EB-d any blogger? Or seen any in person?
Not really. Most of the persons I like are people that I personally know. Either, classmate or schoolmate.

29.) Do you think every Blogger is into books and reading?
Hell yes.

30.) Did blogging change you in any way?
I'd like to think so. I'd like to think that I grew up in some way and that I am on my way to self-actualization. Haha.

Lastly, put the names of the people who you want to answer this questionnaire.
Whoever's bored or got nothing better do.

hi hi. hello hello.

2007-07-16T00:25:00.000+08:00

Our family has been starving us. No, seriously. First, they tell us to stop sleeping until 11 am, and then.. now we only get to eat so little amounts of food that I am forced to drink A LOT of water just to say that I am full.

This is because we had our check ups done and we have high blood pressure. [Surprise, surprise.] So, there. We are cutting off on fats and carbs.

Yea, like that'll happen.

X_X

2007-07-11T01:59:00.000+08:00

Life has been terribly miserable here. And for that I can only say this: I wanna go home.

They told me that by coming here, our life would get better. But it hasn't, I know it's still early but we are already having problems financially and even within our own family. I'm bitter because here I don't have friends or anyone to talk to. So tell me, how is that better? I can't even see my old friends. Heck, I can't even talk to them. So, is my anger ill-founded or do you think I have a basis to be angry? I resent them and their so called way of making our lives better. I'll never get used to this, knowing that some place in the world there are people who actually love me, and yet don't even see me. I hate the lies they fed me. And most of all, I hate me for being me.

--

A/N: This rant was typed when said author was in a very, very, very bad mood.

haha.

2007-07-03T09:35:00.000+08:00

For anyone who's wondering.. I think we watched Nancy Drew that time I wore that outfit. I actually have a lot to say and I've written it all down but I have to go to our room e, malayo. Haha.

Bago na naman school ko. PALO VERDE HIGH SCHOOL. Takot ako. It's so big. Haha. :D

August 30 pasukan. :D

whatever.

2007-06-18T06:30:00.000+08:00

We went to the movies yesterday and this is what I wore.

My brother said I looked like a gangster. Which is a stupid assumption to make. I don't look like a gangster AT ALL.

I AM SO DELIRIOUSLY HAPPY. XD

And that's all that matters.

Bow.

90th post.

2007-06-13T02:10:00.000+08:00

This is for my 90th post.
HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY! MABUHAY ANG PILIPINAS!! XD

P.S.
Pasensya, may kanya kanya tayong timezone. June 12 palang dito. Ok.

on the way down.

2007-06-05T05:05:00.000+08:00

Honestly, I am jealous of all my friends back in the Philippines that are now back to school. I mean, I'd rather go to school with my friends and endure Trigonometry, and Chemistry with them rather than with people I don't know.

I want to go to school. I want to go back to Masci.

Wala.

This is so sad.

back to hell.

2007-06-03T12:59:00.000+08:00

Since on June 4, everybody in Masci will be back to 10 months of hell and torture, I would like to wish them luck and I hope that you survive this year. XD

I'm speechless really. I have lots to tell but I don't know where to start and I'm guessing I already said it.

I think I'm having writer's block. Is this it? Ack.

give me a reason.

2007-05-28T05:36:00.001+08:00

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I wanted to be a doctor. I always did. Why? Because I wanted to help people in remote places and bring them food and medicine and clean drinking water.

And then suddenly, nurses became in demand in foreign countries. You can also have a nice salary. So they wanted me to become a nurse.

And then I thought, I'm going to be a nurse for all the wrong reasons. Whatever happened to the saving lives and people thing? My reason for being a nurse is to earn a good salary. But what about the dream I had where I get to treat people for the sake of treating them? Isn't that the moral thing to do?

I'm going to be a doctor but not after I become a nurse. And I'm doing it because I want to help and make a difference.

I'm going to do it for myself, for my self-fulfillment and not for other reasons people want.

Gagradweyt din ako.

Wait and see. :D

**

Ang drama no? Pero I was getting tired of people pressuring me to be a nurse para daw magkapera. It's too much.

hey. :D

2007-05-26T09:35:00.000+08:00

Went shopping last Wednesday sa Fashion Show mall. Heaven for fashionistas. Too bad I can't buy anything decent because everything there is so ridiculously expensive. $93 for a body bag? No way man. BUT!! I found Hot Topic. Hell-o. Heaven. XD Haha.

Anyways, hindi na daw ako mag aaral sa A-Tech because:

1. Enrolment was last January.
2. If I do enrol, the only elective class has something to do with computers and they don't want me studying it because apparently, it is useless for me since I'm going to medical school.

**

Season 3 na ng House dito. Season Finale na! Grr. Di ko man lang napanood yung ibang episodes. Tapos wala pang Veronica Mars dito.

ANTM marathons every Sunday though. Last Sunday, Season 1.

**

My lola's going to Europe for a month so we'll have the house to ourselves. Yes!!! >:]] We're moving out on July 1 sa apartment namin. $800+ a month. Whew. So much money which could be spent on buying books instead. Hahahaha.

Sa Spring Valley Highschool ako mag aaral. Is it me or may book na ganun yung title? Ah. Sweet Valley High pala. It was close though. Haha.

so.

2007-05-18T11:08:00.000+08:00

We're currently living in my lola's house here in Las Vegas and I don't think she likes it one bit. Sometimes I can see flashes of annoyance on her face. Or it might be just my overproductive imagination. Whatever.

We're still looking for some place to live so we're saving our money. Right. I keep spending dollars like there's no tomorrow. I think Ate Laurene is right, waste money on good books. There's nothing better to do here honestly. I'm so freaking bored. Good thing I do chores or else I might've died of boredom, though I've read that it is physically impossible to die due to boredom but whatever.

My brother's waiting for me to do the dishes so I have to go. Honestly, what would they do without me? ;)

HAHAHAHAHA.

Live from Vegas.

2007-05-16T12:00:00.000+08:00

Hi guys. I've been busy these past few days. Right.

Mag aaral daw ako sa Magnet School. Basically, para din syang MaSci. And I'm scared. Pag nag 3rdyear agad ako feeling ko hindi ako makaka cope so plano kong mag 1st year uli.

Walang YM yung pc ng auntie ko. Leche.

Ate Lau, next time ko nalang gagawin yung tag ok?

Live from Paradise.

2007-05-14T09:24:00.000+08:00

Hi. It's Sunday here at about 6.30 pm. I'm blogging from a friend's house because I'm too shy to borrow my lola's computer where we're staying so there.

ANG LAMIG!!! HAHA.

I'm freezing my butt off here. But the sunlight's really hot. I am currently enjoying my stay here but I am incredibly bored. There's nothing to do back at home.

I have loads to tell you but I don't know where to start so I'll end this post right about now. :D

X(

2007-05-09T13:46:00.000+08:00

I AM SO PISSED RIGHT NOW!!!

NASIRA FLASH DRIVE KO!!!

FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK.

XC

Ngayon pa kung kailan kami aalis. Imagine hundreds of pictures and files lost in a heartbeat. I didn't know what I did wrong. Maayos ko naman tinatanggal sa PC.

MADAMING IMPORTANT NA FILES DUN!!!!

LECHE.

I'm pissed. Stay away from me.

So what?

2007-05-07T15:19:00.000+08:00

I finally told my mom what happened and I am keeping my lips shut about it. Only a few people know about what happened. Okay, my entire class and a few trusted people. But the point is, I don't wanna talk about it because it makes me feel stupid and mad. I may not look like it that day, but I was really mad. I just didn't show it because I didn't want people freaking out when I unleash my wrath.

Anyways, I am up typing this in my computer with no internet connection so I'll just wait till I can post this. (:

Things you should know about me:

I don't know how many yet, but I'll try to keep count.

1. I hate it when people keep tapping me on the shoulder. It's annoying.
2. My younger brother annoys the hell out of me.
3. Now that I mention it, so does my older brother, father, mother and cousins. Everybody annoys me.
4. I am not gullible. I'm trusting. Sue me.
5. I can't eat when my spoon and fork is not properly matched. It annoys me. [I am using the word annoy very much aren't I?]
6. I can't use the computer when there are people watching me use the computer, because I feel violated and I feel like I don't have privacy.
7. I used to hate The OC and One Tree Hill because I thought it was one of those superficial shows, like... Laguna Beach. I hate Laguna Beach.
8. I say the words bitch, slut, whore, ho, tramp and gay a lot.
9. When I sleep, I turn the aircon to its maximum capacity and then bundle up in a thick comforter.
10. I like sappy movies like The Notebook, The Lakehouse, Serendipity, A Walk to Remember and The Prince and Me.
11. I absolutely adore Julia Stiles, Rachel McAdams, Kate Beckinsale, Sandra Bullock, Kristen Bell, Rachel Bilson, Sophia Bush, Gwen Stefani, Tyra Banks, Heidi Klum, Marge Simpson, and Jennifer Morrison and Lucy Liu and Kirsten Dunst and Keira Knightley and Natalie Portman and Audrey Hepburn and Naomi Watts and Angelina Jolie and Kate Bosworth and Marilyn Monroe.
12. I love ANTM, Project Runway, Veronica Mars, MadTV, Friends, The Simpsons, House MD, American Idol, That 70's Show, Desperate Housewives, Scrubs, The Nanny, Search for the Next Doll, and Meteor Garden.
13. I like looking at myself in the mirror.
14. I have an electric toothbrush.. which is pink.
15. I am obsessed with my hair.
16. I have this weird habit of spelling words out in my head in alternating caps.
17. I tried to be a vegetarian but failed spectacularly.
18. I have a flip-flop which says "Havana" instead of Havaianas. It's fake.
19. I can't afford Havaianas and neither do I want to.
20. I love books.
21. I think Paulo Coelho should be proclaimed a national hero. Just because I want to.
22. I want to form my own band with me as the vocalist. [Dream on, bitch.]
23. I hate the new Friendster. Before it used to be so simple and now.. Ack.
24. I am considering shutting down all my online accounts. [Friendster, Myspace, Deviantart, Photobucket, Xanga and Blogspot]
25. I like Britney Spears. [So what?] and.. *shudders* Avril Lavigne.
26. I might be gay.
27. I hate my bangs. Because I cut it and now it won't grow back. It used to be this long --> [picture]and now it sucks.
28. My super straight hair is actually, [yup, you guessed it] rebonded. And now it's wavy again. And I don't want to have it rebonded anymore.
29. I like teasing people but I am a sore loser.
30. I use Miami Heat when I play basketball in our PSP, and I compete with the lowest teams and I still end up losing.
31. I think I should get gastric bypass to lose weight.
32. I laugh a lot and I laugh at the simplest things. One night my brother was talking to me. It went like this.
HIM: Knock, knockME: Who's there?HIM: Nobody.ME: Ok.
HIM: Knock, knockME :Come in.
What?! I find it funny. Haha.
33. I hate summer because it's boring. And hot. And boring. And did I mention, hot?
34. I don't have a sport because I am lazy.
35. I am lazy.
36. I like to think I can play the guitar.
37. I like to think I can play the piano.
38. I really play the lyre.
39. I like Emily The Strange because she's, well.. strange.
40. My dream guitar is an Emily The Strange Electric Guitar because it's cute. --> [picture]
41. I like the Harry Potter series.
42. I think Mark James is annoying. [HAHAHAHA. >:)]
43. I had my bangs because I wanted to look emo-ish which failed marvelously.
44. I love gays.
45. I don't like to eat sinigang at nilagang baka. But I eat corned beef, beef steak and other food with beef except nilaga and sinigang. Go figure.
46. I like broccoli.
47. Before, I can't drink pills/tablet medicines. When I do, I end up drinking all the water and the medicine gets left behind. Maybe I was subconsciously scared.
48. I am a bit boyish but I can be really maarte at times.
49. My 2nd year barkada are all boys. Almost. Jana, Dee and Keesha are girls. But the boys outnumber the girls.
50. I can't draw.
51. I won an award for an arts piece and it was a mixed media collage. It was from the Kids at Art Workshop.
52. I currently have 21 medals and not counting. Di na nadadagdagan kasi.. wala na.
53. I have 30 My Chemical Romance songs in my computer and I've listened to about... 10 of them.
54. When I'm only supposed to drink one tablet of medicine... I drink 2. So it's no wonder if someday I'm going to be overdosed.
55. I USED to cut myself.
56. I love the taste of blood. >:]
57. I'm flat-footed. I trip/fall even when the ground is perfectly flat.
58. I can stay in front of the computer for hours.
59. I used to stay up until 3 am so I can chat. :]]
60. I won't drink because someone told me not to. Not my dad, nor my mom. Sabi niya kasi, kapag kasama ko lang daw siya tsaka ako pwede uminom. Haha.
61. I put toothpaste on my pimples. Haha.

Wala na kong maisip. I'll update this.

**

Only 3 more days till we go. Tanggap ko ng aalis kami. I can't do anything else but accept it. I've been in denial for so long I think it's high time I've learned how to accept things. I mean, nothing's gonna change. I just have to face it and pretend to be great even when I'm not.

And that would be good enough for people.

Ktnx.

2007-04-20T14:41:00.000+08:00

I know I said I wasn't going to write an entry until next week, but I'm bored and I'm here in my cousin's house so I might as well do something right?

This summer didn't turn out as bad as I thought it would be. If not for the really, really hot climate and nothing to do, it would have been perfect.

No, really. I am not kidding.

I got to bond with my family which in itself is already a bonus. I felt like I didn't have a connection with them anymore and that sucked. It's as if I don't even know my own family.

The last month, I used to hate my dad. Like really. You should see me. It was chaos. I was always mad at him for stuff he can't do anything about. I was pouring all my pent-up anger at him and it didn't turn out nice.

But now, we're on great terms. We even watch Search for the next doll, Project Runway, America's Next Top Model and American Idol together. HAHA.

This is fun.

**

I want to finish watching House. I can't bring my DVD's or else I'll be deported. Such a waste.

I want to watch the entire Season 3 of House and Veronica Mars.

Ack.

**
I am nervous about going to school. School in the US is just so different.

Grr.

I just found out my friend's going to Canada. Si Oliver [which you probably don't know]

So there.

Nakakapagod. (:

2007-04-19T13:37:00.000+08:00

I'm in my cousin's house using their internet and I can say that this is heaven. The computer's slow though. Anyways... ang hirap ilagay sa tagboard. Nahihirapan ako, so dito nalang. Ok.

ATE LAU: You're welcome. It was nice SMS-ing with you. :P
GIO: Thanks. I won't be able to link you yet cause the computer here sucks, but I will. Soon. I promise.
DIANA: Ang sad nga e. Madaming umaalis e.
TARA: If I know correctly, walang exact english word for kinikilig e. Tinuro samin ng Pinoy teacher namin, diba Pauling?
JEM: Thanks for dropping by.
ANNA: I can't believe it too. But it's true.
MARK: Opo Mark. Walang kalimutan. Friends Forever. Haha. Yung gift mo sakin nasa box na. Dadalhin ko sa states. Haha.
LARA: Yup I'm going. Haha. I will update every week siguro. I'm not sure. My last name is Gonzales.
ROMINA: 09173961331 Haha. If you people wanna text me, include your name cause I wasn'tborn with clairvoyant skills. :D
KIM: Yup. Future ex-mascian. Haha. Sure sure. Pero I also won't be able to link you yet k?
PHILIP: Online ako ngayon. Di kita naabutan. Dito ako sa nueva ecija.
GERARD: That sucks men.
MAE: Miss you too.
AICA: Thanks for dropping by.

That's it. See you next week. [Probably.]

Bye.

?

2007-04-06T07:36:00.000+08:00

We're packing our things because we're already leaving. We're going to stay in our province for almost the whole summer. Can you say boredom? There's no computer there so expect no updates starting Friday.

Don't tell my dad I will be bored because he will eventually start yelling at us again. How fun.

PAULING:

Sorry. Hindi ako makakapunta enrolment. Sayang yung outing. Grr. I will miss all of you.

**

Swimming this Saturday in a private pool. I am so excited. Food catering this Friday because it's my brother's birthday. He is so spoiled.

**

Whilst packing my things, I saw a lot of things I haven't seen in a long time. It made me think about all the other things I will be leaving behind. That's just sad.

Oh, and Mark... walang pakialamanan kung emo-ish to. Freedom of speech, so shut up. Haha. I will miss you!

**

Ano ang english word for kinikilig? Haha.

In lieu of events.

2007-03-30T16:12:00.000+08:00

Matagal ko na 'tong na realize. It just took a while for reality to sink in.

Ayoko ng umalis. Hindi dahil ayoko sa US. Hindi dahil ayoko makita ang Nanay ko.

Ayoko umalis kasi..

Madami akong iiwan.

Madami akong mamimiss.

Gusto ko gumraduate sa Masci.

Gusto ko maging III-Calvin.

Masyadong masakit para iwan lahat ng taong minahal ko.

Mahirap diba?

Ayoko na.

Woot.

2007-03-27T19:04:00.000+08:00

People are too overly eager for summer. For Pete's sake, it's summer! It comes every year!

I mean, what is there to like about summer?

You're hot. You're sticky and you're sweaty. And your skin burns and you get dark. Like hello, nobody wants that. [Except if you want a tan that is. But I don't. So there.]

It's not that I'm against summer, I just think that people give too much attention to it. It comes every year, that won't change.

And global warming's greatly affecting the heat. Is it just me, or is it getting hotter every year? Crap. This is crap.

I am not a fan of summer. I like cold, rainy days better.

Winter, here I come.

**

School is almost over. This is just sad.

I don't want it to be over yet cause that means having to leave everything behind pretty soon. And I don't like it. I'm still in denial about the fact that we have to leave for good and summer is not doing anything to cheer me up.

I wish it was February again. Why? Because I loooove February. Haha.

**

There are no classes tomorrow and I am psyched.

DVD marathon! Woot. XD

**

I watched "The Lakehouse" today, and it was amazing. I love, love, love, love, love it. I think it might replace "The Notebook" as my all time favorite movie. Haha. I love sappy movies. They make me cry.

**

You have to let me, let go of you.

Ack.

:)

2007-03-25T22:25:00.000+08:00

Clearance week is killing me. It would be better if they just asked us to take exams for the whole month.

**

Wala na ko masulat.

My brain is turning into mush. Summer na. Nakakainis.

**

We'll be leaving soon. This is just sad. I wish I could talk to someone. Anlo, I know you would understand but it's hard to reach you. Don't worry though. When my mom permits me, pupunta ako dyan sa Texas. Haha.

Sometimes I wonder if this is the right decision. I don't want to leave but I guess we just have to accept the fact that sooner or later we have to move on and let go of things that we value.

**

Anger is what you get when you try to cover up hurt.

Very well said.

Cancer.

2007-03-18T16:30:00.000+08:00

I've already accepted the fact that we are going to leave the country. I accepted that. And yet, it still hurts. It's still very sad. And what's sadder?

I have to leave all this people behind and live in a place where I don't seem to belong.

**

My mom said that there are a lot of parties in schools there and she thinks that it's mandatory we attend. I told her that I don't like parties. I don't like parties with people I don't know. With people I'm not comfortable with.

She says I need to be outgoing.

I can't Mom.

I'm introverted.

I guess I'm just gonna end up being a loner, won't I?

**

"Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you..."

:(

All my life.

2007-03-17T21:21:00.000+08:00

We didn't really do anything productive during that practice but I loved every bit of it. It was one of the few bonding moments Pauling has. And since everybody seems to be doing something like this, I will follow suit. (:

II-Pauling. A group of unique people. We were meant to be. Supposed to be.

Ehem. (: In alphabetical order:

Paul - The annoying know-it-all. I actually used to call him that because his smartness annoys me so much. He's really really good in Science, and he's nice. He's not a backstabber like someone I know.
Jeric - The poltergeist. I love this guy. He is just really nice and puts up with my craziness. He's family!
Rey - We're not really close, and I've never been real nice to him but, there. [Maldita ako.] Nagpapakopya pa rin siya sa IA. HAHAHAHA. ((:
Philip - BIBOI!! He's so cute. I love him. He is funny and really nice to be with. Makulet. Sister's twin.
Mark - I hate this guy. Haha. He's my brother but at times he really gets to me. Mayabang kasi. Naiinis ako minsan. Haha.
Jaycee - Kuya ko to. (: 3 lang silang lalaki na naging super close ko dito. Siya, Mark at Krister. I love them. Kapatid ko sila. ♥
Jason - We're not close. Pero at times, I feel sorry for him. Wala lang. Peace na tayo Josol. :P
Erald - I like making fun of him. Hindi siya pikon di katulad nung 3 kong kapatid. Haha.
Prince - He's my son. And I love him. Ang kulit nito.
Fermin - That whore. Haha. Joke lang. Lagi kong inaasar tong si Fermin e, pero mabaet to.
JM - I love this gay, este guy. Siya yung kasama ko nung 1st quarter. (:
Krister - Pikon to e. GENIUS sa math, sobra. Bad din to. Nang-aaway lagi. :P Haha.
MJ - Di kami close, feeling close siya. Pero ayos lang. Lagi inaaway ni Roquel. Haha.
Jayvee - Tabal! Ang galing nito kumanta. Annoying at times though.
Daniel - Mabaet. Tsaka, makulet din. Haha.
Roniel - Pinaka magaling sumayaw sa Pauling. I lab him. He's mine.

The girls:

I've never been ostentatiously close with them, pero I love them. I tend to stay with the boys. Boyish e.

Sherly - Ang haba ng hair nito. Haha. Maganda kasi masyado. Haha. Angaling pa kumanta. Angaling din sa math.
Ellaine - Makulet, akala mo sa una masungit pero masaya kasama.
Dhea - Ang Deeyosa na Pauling. Sister ko. Ganda. Abogado din. Haha.
Dana - Galing kumanta.
Patricia - Er, hindi kami close e.
Trisha - Kinukulit ko pag katabi ko. Makulet din yan.
AKO - Diyosa din. HAHAHAHA. >:) Natawa ako sa sarili ko.
Geneva - Genius. Leche. Haha. May alam ako sayo... :P
Noriko - Ohayo! Er, makulet to. Haha.
Alyssa - Oye! AJ ROSE! Makulet to. Mahilig sa anime.
Romaisah - Kikay! Haha. Ankulet.
Keesha - Sister. :P Whatever. Haha. Lab ko to.
Floriane - MAINGAY. SOBRA. Mahilig sa anime. Haha.
Edda - Kumakanta siya. Period.
Arlene - Genius din. Haha.
Jana - This is my lab. Classmate ko din siya nung 1st year. Magaling na artist. (:

I want to instill all of our smiles, laughters, cries and pain in my mind.

Hindi ko malilimutan ang II-Pauling 06-07. Grabe. Mahal ko kayo. You made my [quite possibly] last year in Masci very memorable. Very memorable indeed.

THANK YOU SA LAHAT!

:*

**

Ack. Here are the pictures I promised. Sorry. Konti lang. (:

Muka akong tanga. Hahaha.

Jayceeee~

Roniel is just adorable. Haha.

Dhea and her signature pose. Haha. Watch out for her, she's going to join the Candy Teen model Search.

Hot. ((:

Us + 4. Konti lang kaming pumunta.

I LOVE IT. ♥
Go Pauling. (:

How stupid.

2007-03-17T10:55:00.000+08:00

I apparently tear my calf muscles and I can't walk properly. It hurts, it hurts so much. I did this yesterday when I was stretching and then, "BAM!" It hurts so much I can't even stretch out my legs and it looks as if my leg is disfigured. One part is hollow. Nakalubog. It was scary. I had to endure at least 10 minutes without being able to straighten my legs up for fear that it would hurt. And hurt so much, it did.

Meron pa ngang pasa e. So, it might mean that it bled inside. Fun noh?

I am such a klutz. I am so prone to accidents so don't be alarmed. It's just a normal day in this life of mine.

Practice for the dance later and I think I could dance na. It didn't hurt so much like it did yesterday. Yaaay. Haha.

It would be better if you just shot me.

2007-03-16T13:06:00.000+08:00

For some stupid reason, I can't access my stupid Cbox. Damn it. I am planning to put up a new one. But we'll see. I can see all of your tags but the area where I'm supposed to write my name and the message is not showing up, so there.

**

Exams are finally over. Thank God.

Now all we have to worry about is the stupid clearance. Which I don't really need because they're already saying that I won't enroll for the next school year, so yeah.

I hate clearance week. It's so freaking hectic.

**

We're gonna practice tomorrow for Hataw 2 because we want to clear MAPEH. Tomorrow's gonna be so fun. Pictures, I promise.

**

I am falling in love with Incubus. Haha.

**

I am going to shop for stuff tomorrow. Like that notebook I saw [remember Jana? Yung black and red] It's awesome. That is gonna be my remembrance notebook. I'm gonna let them write in it. And then I am going to bring a white t-shirt and let them put stuff there. And that's the shirt I'm going to wear when we go to the US. I swear.

Nakakahiya nga lang, muka akong squatter. Pero ayos lang. Pakapalan na lang. HAHA. Kaya ko to!!

**

This is my newest picture and I love it. I want to be a Japanese doll. Er, I wanna look like one. Plano ko bago ako pumunta ko sa US, paparebond uli ako tapos bangs sa harap na super straight.

See? It's love I tell you. ♥

**

Nagpapakarebelde na ko. I might as well. Malapit naman na kami umalis.

I'm planning to add 3 piercings on my right ear.

Sino gusto sumama?

campaign for real beauty.

2007-03-15T13:23:00.001+08:00

I just love this day. I'm having too much fun.

That's bad. Really, really bad.

**

Exams will be over tomorrow.

Freedom at last. :P

**

Oh, and can someone lend me money? I need to buy that DVD now. HAHAHA.

**

Project Runway is love. I love this guy. I wish he didn't have to leave so soon.

He [She?] is Malan. And he is inspiring.

Teka, magtatagalog na ko. Ang hirap e.

Ganito kasi yun... Nung bata daw siya, meron siyang notebook kung saan nagsketch siya ng mga damit. Tapos pinakita niya sa Mom niya, pagkatapos ay binato lang nung Mom niya. She told him,

"You would never amount to anything."

So sad. He would prove to them that he would be someone. Kaya lang, natanggal agad siya. Grr. Angela, you should've been that person. Not Malan.

**

Grabe. Naaadik nako sa "THE OC". I didn't watch it before because I thought it was one of those "superficial" shows. Wala lang. :P

Sabi ni Summer...

"I love you this much. And I want to spend today with you. And the next year. And whatever comes after that."

AAAAHHHH.

**

I am insane.

cause of death: hunger

2007-03-13T13:34:00.000+08:00

Exams are killing me.

Isn't it bad enough that we have to study it once, and now we have to learn it all over again?

This sucks.

**

I badly have management issues. I plan and then I don't do it at all.

I've been planning [for weeks] to actually watch Princess Hours and see what all the hype is about. Pero until now, I haven't watched it.

I've been planning to buy a DVD of Desperate Housewives, hanggang ngayon wala pa. [Let's blame this one on cash, or lack thereof.]

I've been planning to tell him for weeks now. I still can't do it. I'm scared.

Snaps for me, for being such a procrastinator. Ack.

**

I am seriously going to die. I am so hungry.

I actually planned to go out of the house to buy food but rather, I'm in front of the computer... go figure.

**

Ang corny ng Tabulas. [Peace!]

You actually have to host the picture first before you can upload it?!

Too much hassle.

Gah.

**

FOOD.I.WANT.FOOD.damnit.

X_X

2007-03-07T18:04:00.000+08:00

I've had it with this blog leave, so from now on... I am officially back! HAHA. I missed this blog. And besides I have lots of time now that summer break is near. But before that, I still have to worry about the exams we have. Which is stupid really. I hate exams.

**

I am going to be so sad when we leave. There are lots of things I still wanna do and there's just not much time. Grr.

**

One of the guards told me...

"Tima, ma mimiss ka namin pag umalis ka na."

Aww. I didn't know I was valued that much. It made my heart smile and it made me walk home in tears. Naluluha ako. And I hate that I can't do anything about it.

**

I stupidly erased my phonebook. Don't ask how. I'm so stupid at times.

**

Yet I fell hard for your imperfections.

**

I'm falling, deeper into you.

annoyed like hell.

2007-03-06T20:08:00.000+08:00

Susuwayin ko muna ang blog leave ko para isulat to. I am annoyed. And an annoyed Fatima, is a bad Fatima.

**

Hindi niyo ba napapansin kung paano nagiging useless ang gobyerno pag hindi eleksyon. Kanina, napanood ko sa news na magpapatayo na naman ng paaralan ang GMA foundation. Aba, talo pa ang local government ah. E paano kaya kung puro foundations na lang at wala ng gobyerno.

Foundations sort of defeat the purpose of a government.

Ngayon ka magyabang Gloria.

Ang galing mo kasi e.

[This article is not meant to criticize the way the government is running the country... rather it is merely a simple way of opening our eyes with the reality that is going on around us. Please lang, vote wisely. Put people in the government which are really worth it. Don’t just think of yourselves; rather think about the future of our country and its citizens.]

**

Aah, that felt refreshing. Now back to my blog leave.

for my 65th post.

2007-02-23T04:46:00.000+08:00

Photoshare:

Prom Queen. [Yea right.]

Sisters. Because it's Valentine's day. :P

Ayan yung galing kay Krister. :P

AND LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST...

it was never meant to be.

2007-02-17T07:51:00.000+08:00

I am deeply sorry for not posting. I've been too caught up in things I can't really talk about and I am just experiencing emotional turmoil... again.

**

The last week has been a roller coaster of emotions. I cried from Monday to Friday and there were a lot of people who saw me. ): No, it's not depression. No, it's not about love [partly, though I still can't say if I'm in love or what]. It's just that I will miss everyone when I go to the States, and there's a high percentage of us not coming back. And that sucks I tell you. That sucks big time.

I won't be able to say a proper goodbye.

I won't be able to talk to him and tell him stuff I haven't told him because I was too scared.

I won't be able to attend prom in MaSci.

I won't be able to have Prince as my prom date.

I won't be able to fulfill my dream of becoming the Prom Queen. [Yeaaa. Gay. >:))]

I won't be able to experience pre-prom jitters.

I won't be able to graduate with my batchmates.

I won't be able to be with them for the last two years in my high school life.

That is just freaking sad. ):

**

I received three gifts last Wednesday.

One from Krister, a very big, pink! star that says.. you're special.

One from Erald, a smaller version of Krister's only blue and says.. you're the greatest.

And one from my brother Jaycee, a bear which sings. Annoyingly I tell you. HAHA.

**

Such a sad week really. Last week was better, soo much better. I tell you.

my aso. because i was sick.

2007-02-11T12:05:00.000+08:00

I was sick last Friday night [up to now], good thing someone was there to keep me company. Or rather, something.

MY ASO! ♥

Gerard!
Anna!
Guess who that dog is from. ;)
And shut up about it. HAHA.
SMS me.
Or talk to me personally.
Whichever you prefer.
DON'T POST IT IN MY CBOX. :P

Love. Love. Aso. Aso.

:`c

2007-02-10T10:49:00.000+08:00

I am sick but I want to go out. I made a promise pa naman. SAYANG TALAGA! Nakakainis. =c

unwritten.

2007-02-09T15:20:00.000+08:00

Everybody [i.e GERARD! *ehem*ehem*] can see the difference in me. I think I'm happier and he says it's very obvious.

I have my new reason for smiling. (:

Grabe, I miss him already. HAHA. :P

ALL MY LIFE.. :P

**

Sorry if it doesn't seem to make sense. Inside stuff. :P Konpidensiyal. (:

[EDIT]

Hindi ko na siya miss. Miss na miss ko na siya.

I don't know if I'm.. *shudders* in love or what. All I can say is that I'm in LIKE. HAHA. ((:

i wish.

2007-02-06T18:55:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I feel like people don't understand me at all. Scratch that. I know that people don't understand me, but let me say this, I have my own reasons for doing what I do. So if I tell you I can't sing, I can't meaning I feel insecure about my voice. I always have these reasons but I don't really do anything about it. I feel I'm never going to be good enough.

And yes, I do have low self-esteem so don't lower it further by blaming me. I am just gonna turn out crying.

**

And..

I always look in the mirror, not because I'm vain or self-centered or what. It's because I hate how I look. When I look at other people, I can even never see their flaws, but when it's me.. it's flaws that all I see.

I've never felt good about myself, and that doesn't stop now. I never felt I was beautiful like my friends, because I AM NOT.

**

I sometimes think I put myself down too much. Ack.

**

Nasan na ba yung dating Fatima na laging leader?

Nasan na ba yung dating Fatima na laging nagsasalita sa harapan?

Nasan na ba yung dating Fatima na super responsible?

Nasan na ba yung dating Fatima na napaka trusted ng teachers?

Asan ka na ba?

Miss na kita e.

[EDIT!]

All my life, I pray for someone like you. And I thank God, that I finally found you. And I hope that you feel the same way too. And I hope that you do LIKE me too. (:

I'm happier this way. Sobra.

[/EDIT!]

Apparently. Hmm.

2007-02-06T04:13:00.000+08:00

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

Disorder	Your Score
Major Depression:	Slight-Moderate
Dysthymia:	Slight
Bipolar Disorder:	Very High
Cyclothymia:	Very High
Seasonal Affective Disorder:	High
Postpartum Depression:	N/A
Take the Depression Test

Okay, fine. I admit I'm crazy. And slighly depressed, but I'm happier now. I swear. :)

Oh, and Ate Lau.. plotting your own death is fun. But I haven't made mine yet. Next time, I'm gonna post it here. Just for fun. Haha.

Fun~

2007-02-03T22:29:00.001+08:00

This day was so much fun! We practiced Les Miserables in Luneta and we had fun. Too much fun in fact. There are loads of pictures. But here are the ones I ~~like~~ LOVE best. (:

The actors of Les Miserables. I'm the third one, wearing black and red. (:

Hello, FATima! Haha. With Roniel and Jeric. (:

Because we are all gay one way or another. Haha.

The actors with their different poses. (:

I have no idea what I'm doing right here except that I know that I look extremely fat. :P

Jumping up -- Part 1, not much success. :P

Part 2. Still no progress.

Part 3. Si Roniel lang. haha.

Part 4. Malapit na! Haha.

Part 5 -- Isa na lang! [I look stupid. Haha.]

Part 6 -- Smashing success! Haha.

Sino yang nasa gilid na pa epal?! Haha. Takaw.

Because I love Jollibee. ♥

Yes. We do love Jollibee. I swear, passersby are staring at us. They must have thought we lost our minds or something, which isn't really the case. We're all born gay.. and autistic now that I mention it. Haha.

I am sooo tired. And stupid. Ha.

No Entr. Haha. Fat, get out of the WAY!! You're all bad. It says no entry and yet you're on the steps. Tsk. Bad Pauling.

Favorite pose. Haha.

I told you this is our favorite pose. Haha.

The bestest Ms. Universe's the world can ever have. Wow. Beauty Queens. :P

Naks. Haha.

Shocked/Pacute look. Whichever you prefer. Haha.

Because we are Beauty Queens. (:

Always you and me // Part 3

2007-01-31T18:56:00.000+08:00

Now.

No time for later.

He's on his knees, hugging me around my waist. He's murmuring things against my stomach.

I don't know what.

He might be begging but he's too good for that, right?

He might be pleading but he's too good for that, right?

It's cold.

Autumn's chill is finally beginning to set in. There's still a strong breeze, and the leaves scatter about us, but they are no longer the gold and red I love so much. In the moonlight, they have no color. Nothing does. Just a whitewashed glow.

It suits him well enough, though. He's glowing silver and somehow it makes him seem untouchable. Somehow it makes him pure. But that's not true.

I'm touching him and he's far from pure.

I came back a few hours later and he was leaning against the tree. I was relieved to see him there.

Still.

We couldn't keep coming back to it. Winter was coming. It would get colder. The tree would die.

And so would we.

We both knew. We both ignored it. But today the realization hit me hard and I knew if it didn't end now then things would start getting...

Complicated. How else can I put it?

So I told him.

I guess that's what got us in this position. It was supposed to be different. He was supposed to nod his head and agree. We were supposed to part ways under the dying tree.

Simple, right?

He lets go of me suddenly and stands. He's looking at me and I can't read his expression.

"Josh?" I say tentatively.

"No."

I frown. "What?"

"This isn't over," He says and what unnerves me is that there is nothing in his voice. No anger. No annoyance. No conviction. No affection. Nothing.

Nothing about life has ever been simple. What was I thinking?

"It has to be," I say.

"You're being stupid." Same monotone voice.

I stare at him incredulously. Who was this boy standing in front of me?

"Stupid? Stupid is us continuing this relationship! And you know it! I know you do. We risk everything with this."

"Why is it all so easy for you?" And then finally there's emotion. Resent. Anger.

"Easy?"

"It was easy for you to start. Easy for you to go on with it. And now it's easy for you to end it. Why?"

"None of this has been easy, Josh! Not one moment we've spent together has been easy! There's too much in the way, too much at stake, too much to hide. It's not worth it!" I practically yell and as soon as the words are out of my mouth, I regret them.

He flinches and his eyes grow wide, and I know that I've hurt him. I know that I've done something no one has been able to do. I go to apologize...

But suddenly I'm being grabbed and shoved against the tree.

I gasp and now I'm only seeing his eyes. The moonlight has made them look unnaturally bright and metallic.

Cold.

"Not worth it?" He hisses through clenched teeth. He kisses me then. His kiss is brutal and possessive. Something I couldn't possibly deny. Then it's over and he's looking at me again, his lips curled into a snarl.

"Say it again, Michaels. Look me in the eye and tell me it's not worth it and I'll let you go," He says icily.

And I'm about to say it again. I'm ready to say it. I need to say it because if I don't we'll both only suffer greatly in the long run. I don't want to, though. I don't. I want him to kiss me again. I want to stay here, with him, forever.

The wind blows and in that moment it is colder than it's ever been. More leaves fall from the tree. They're beautiful, but they're dying. They're perfect, but they're dying.

I know what I have to do.

Say it, Amie. Say it.

I open my mouth. Try to form the words.

Say it!

"It's…"

SAY IT!

"It's not worth it."

Before.

You're saying you hate me.

I'm saying it back.

It's the way it's supposed to be. It feels that way, too. And for a moment, we're back where we started, and we both love it.

It doesn't last because now we're both falling into each other again. We can't seem to keep things the way they're meant to be.

We've been given a choice and we can't make up our minds.

You like to say it's my fault because I wouldn't leave you alone. I like to say it's your fault because you kissed me first.

"But does it matter?"

No.

Now.

So let go.

Black and white.

Simple.

Some people say that something went on between Amie Michaels and Josh Fenessy. Something passionate and amazing.

But that can't be true; they hate each other.

Look at them, they're arguing about something right now. He just called her "such an aggravating know-it-all". She just called him a bastard.

When she screams in frustration it's only a trick of the light that makes his eyes appear to soften with something not quite hate.

When he sneers arrogantly, her own smile is meant to mock him. It's not an affectionate, loving smile.

Some people swoon over the possibility that it's a "hate-love" relationship. But that's just crazy.

It has to be one or the other.

Right?

Right.

[END]

no mood.

2007-01-31T18:14:00.000+08:00

I am so not in the mood right now, so I'll just share pictures. :)

Oliver and I during one of our Nihongo practices. Fun~

Oliver, Michelle and me, looking so pale. HAHA.

Current barkada, sans Daniel, Jeric, Dhea and Krister. :)

Me, Philip and Ron. Champions beybeh. :) HAHA. Excluding me, of course. :P

Prince and I. That' s my son. Hot noh? Haha.

Me and my elementary bestfriend during the Coronation Night. :P

That's it. I'll shut up now. :P

this is just sad.

2007-01-29T20:22:00.000+08:00

MaLing [Marconi and Pauling, that is] won the championships for the Volleyball-Boys. :) I believed in them all along.

**

Isn't it just sad how no matter how you make that person understand or feel that you love him, he still can't feel/understand. MANHID KA BA? OR SADYANG TANGA LANG?

Ack.

That was just.. embarrassing to say the least. I'll shut up now. X_X

because i need some time.

2007-01-28T22:09:00.000+08:00

I erased my last supposed entry because it doesn't make sense yet. Ack. It's about.. LOVE. What the hell am I thinking about exactly? Writing about love, yeah right.

It's Monday tomorrow, and I am soooo not excited. ~~Hell~~ ~~torture~~ School is back. Ack.

a breakdown of what basically happened. :)

2007-01-27T23:02:00.000+08:00

We had our Periodic Exams last Monday to Friday and it was hell. I failed Bio. :( And, Geometry was no piece of cake either. Fuck.

**

Wednesday was so boring and, annoying. We stood under the fucking sun when it was noon. Can you say "Hello, Skin Cancer"? And I look darker already.

**

Thursday was just so fucking annoying/frustrating/aggravating. Sorry to burst your bubbles, but apparently.. cheaters DO win.

**

Friday, was fun to say the least. I wish we could do it again. Coronation night, and this guy.. hinakot niya lahat ng awards. Amazing. :) He's my batchmate.

Adorable, and gorgeous. HAHA. :) Go Fronda. Sorry, he's taken. [Well, sort of]

**

I can't speak, because I have no voice from all the shouting and screaming I've done. Congrats to our teammates who won. :) Love you guys!

**

P.S. Watch our for The Simpsons Movie. Malapit na! :)

practical presentation.

2007-01-20T21:33:00.001+08:00

Last Thursday was just so much fun. I couldn't upload the videos yet to Youtube so we'll just have to wait and see. Pictures!

Roniel didn't want to take a picture but I did, so there. XP

Hah. I look so vaiin. Or gay. Whichever. Haha.

Me and my sister. Fun~

Mark was having so much fun with my butterfly wings. They all were. XD

I just love this picture. Dhea didn't know I took it. It's so.. awesome. Can someone edit it in Adobe and make it prettier? I just love it. XP Model=Sis/Dhea with Trisha.

With our Prima Ballerina, Jaycee! And no, he IS NOT gay. XP I am. Haha.

Jaycee's not gay. These two are. Haha. ^^

He's wearing make-up and a dress! How cool is that?! Haha.

I'm disappointed that I wasn't able to take a solo picture of my costume. Damn. It was so gay you would have loved it :)). Dhea's was a broadway type. XP

Er?

PAPA MARK!! HAHA.

Mark with THE WINGS. HAHA.

Dhea with her Broadway costume and THE WINGS. :)

All in all, a very fun day. Fun, fun, fun. :)

grr.

2007-01-19T04:40:00.000+08:00

I am downloading stuff off of Limewire and I am annoyed as hell. I FINALLY have a proper connection but it still won't start, it just says connecting. DAMN you all to hell.

I need to finish this in 15 minutes.

God help me. :(

locomotion beybeh.

2007-01-17T18:59:00.000+08:00

We're going to have our practical in music tomorrow and we're going to be presenting tap dance. O_o How surprising right? Without formal training, we couldn't do anything those professionals do. So we stuck to basic steps and did it.

Our other classmates had to present ballet and they're guys. HAHA. Super laughtrip when they were practicing earlier. Super gayness ^^

It was fun, albeit very tiring. XD

Our costume is so retro. Just because we want to. Tsaka, improvised lang yung tap shoes. HAHA. Fun, fun. XD

wonder.

2007-01-14T13:33:00.000+08:00

There are 11 people in our house.

6 members are family.

4 are strangers.

And me.

I wonder who's keeping track?

Disaster in the making.

2007-01-13T16:04:00.000+08:00

My mom told me that when we go to the US this May, we might not come back.

How depressing. =c

I don't want to leave just like that. I wanna say goodbye to everyone I know first. It's so unfair. :(

collide.

2007-01-13T12:22:00.000+08:00

The past week has been.. for lack of better words.. tiring. I come home from school and I go straight to sleep so I can wake up at an ungodly hour to study/cram. And oftentimes, I feel lazy to wake up so I end up doing nothing. How responsible of me.

And forgive the last entries for being too.. sensitive? Sad? Emo? This has just been one hell of a ride and I don't think I can take it anymore.

So, I'm feeling sad but I want to freaking laugh. How weird.

Help?

what. a. waste.

2007-01-10T23:52:00.000+08:00

Fermin often tells me I'm satirical and cynical. And I agree with him. Actually, I'm all that and more.

Why, you ask?

Well. I don't know. Why not really? I guess experience made me this way. You can't trust anybody to hold your heart and not fucking break it.

So what's the point really?

There's nothing left, is there?

What. A. Waste.

yea beybeh. :)

2007-01-09T13:14:00.000+08:00

A video of MCR on the Jimmy Kemmel Show. And Gerard's hair is black again.

♥

and so?

2007-01-07T19:48:00.000+08:00

I just realized I still have a lot of things to do for tomorrow. Damn it. Now I have to stay up late. I just hate myself for cramming every Sunday.

Oh, and don't you just find Hayley Williams to be super adorable? I do. I love her.

♥

really. Always you and me // Part 2

2007-01-07T01:07:00.000+08:00

I've been so caught up in all this crap we call school so I haven't been able to update. Besides, I've got nothing to say. So, I'll just post this.. XD

Always you and me // Part 2

Before.

"What are you looking at Fenessy?"

"You, you silly Michaels."

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, but why?"

He didn't speak for a long time. He just continued to stare, his expression serious, yet slightly bewildered.

"What Fenessy! What?!"

"I can't figure it out."

She blinked. "What on earth are you talking about?"

"You're not pretty."

And she didn't really know what to feel, so she moved around him to leave.

He grabbed her wrist and made her face him. "But, then again, you are. Isn't that strange?"

She couldn't quite meet his eyes, feeling insecure suddenly. And why wouldn't she? "I don't know what you're talking about and as far am I'm concerned you're the only thing that's strange here."

He let go of her wrist, and took a step back, grinning. "Did I hit a soft spot Michaels?"

She hated him. Why was she here? Why the hell was he here? "Goodbye, Fenessy."

She was a few steps away when he spoke again. "You know what's really strange, Michaels? The fact that I enjoy these ;visits' more that I should. The fact that, awhile ago, I found you to be the most hideous thing in the world, but now..." He trailed off, his voice uncertain.

She didn't want to hear these things. Not from him. And for a moment she wondered if this was real. She wondered if it really was Josh Fenessy saying these impossible things to her.

It couldn't be real.

She closed the space between them. He was startled and tried moving back, but he had nowhere to go with that tree behind him.

That stupid tree.

Her face wasn't more than an inch from his and she could see that he no longer looked composed like he always did. No longer cool. No longer indifferent.

It couldn't be real.

She could prove that it wasn't real. She would prove that it wasn't real. She could. She would...

She kissed him.

Reality could be a fickle thing.

[END OF PART TWO]

for new year's sake.

2007-01-02T21:41:00.001+08:00

January 1.

Anna (1/1/2007 12:43:35 AM): ano resolutions mo?
Fatima (1/1/2007 12:44:37 AM):
lose weight.
do better in school. [wehh.]
don't fall in love easily. [HAHA]
don't expect too much from people cause you might just be disappointed.
love myself.
be nicer.

We were chatting all morning and hell, it was fun~ XD

By the way, updates. I am for about 3 days now, exercising. Woo. One of my plans to lose weight. XD

And I am so giddy for tomorrow. Back to school beybeh. :)

:)

2006-12-30T18:26:00.000+08:00

Brendon Urie with The Dresden Dolls singing "Baby One More Time".

Phenomenal. XD

So much for that blog break.

execution.

2006-12-30T14:36:00.000+08:00

Hussein hanged with 'fear in his face'

Saddam Hussein was hanged Saturday for crimes committed in a brutal crackdown during his reign, U.S. and Iraqi sources tell CNN. Iraq's national security adviser said: "He was a broken man... You could see fear in his face." President Bush called the execution "an important milestone" for Iraq.

So, I guess all's well that ends well? It's New Year for Pete's sake. I am feeling New Year-y. I can't wait. This is sooo much fun.

I am feeling headachy. This calls for a blog break. I will be back on Tuesday, probably. XD

Always you and me // Part 1

2006-12-27T13:26:00.000+08:00

This is the part one cause I am just too lazy to put up the other two parts but rest assured I'm gonna post it today. Without further ado..

Always you and me

Now.

What are you waiting for?

And she stared at me with those disarming eyes, and I swear to you, I saw the world.

The world was mine.

"I hate you! You're everything that makes the world bad, Josh Fenessy! And believe me, if you died, you won't certainly be missed!"

Her hair was swept up by the wind, tangled mess of blonde, but somehow beautiful against the golden and red leaves that danced around her.

She smiled.

For some reason, I smiled back.

"Did it ever occur to you that money isn't the only thing that matters?"

She leaned her head against the trunk of the tree, the rough bark a sharp contrast against her skin. She swung her legs back and forth, and the branch swayed beneath her. I was afraid she might fall, but she kept her balance.

She always kept her fucking balance.

"Come down here," I said, annoyed at having to look up at her.

She laughed. "Come up here!"

I scowled.

"It's depressing isn't it Fenessy? You can't even think properly unless your father tells you what to do and when to do it. Are you scared?"

"Afraid, Josh?" She asked teasingly.

"No," I snapped.

"Come on then!" She scooted over and patted the space she made on the branch.

"I won't let you fall."

I have fallen.

"I have fallen."

She shook her head and her blonde straight hair swayed against her shoulder, and for the life of me I couldn't tell you why I was so mesmerized. "You were alone when you fell. It's different now."

You couldn't even imagine.

I snorted. "I don't need you."

She didn't say anything. She didn't have to.

"You always have these excuses for doing these mean things you do but I know deep down, you just really misunderstood. Do something."

We stared at each other for a long time, and when my neck began to hurt from looking up, I decided that enough was enough.

"Fine. I'll bloody come up."

Her smile grew and it had me climbing the damn tree even faster. It was a tall tree. Tall and large. It was on the very edge of the lake where we usually meet and its limbs stretched toward every direction. Autumn had turned its large leaves gold and red, and I normally would have hated the weather... but nothing was really normal these days.

I sat next to her, in the space she had made, keeping a firm grip on the tree's trunk. After reassuring myself that I was safe from falling, I turned my head and sent her a triumphant smile. "See, there's nothing to it."

She rolled her eyes. "No, of course not for you." She closed the small space between us and pressed the side of her body against me, leaning her head against my shoulder. She wrapped her arms around my elbow. "See," she said sleepily, "if you fall, I fall."

And I just wish it made sense.

"So... not that this will ever happen... but what if you decided not to follow in your father's footsteps and just be you? What would you be? Because honestly, you could be so much more. You're just too blind to see it."

It's gray. I was in this place where everything was gray. No blacks or whites. Things used to be easy like that. Either black or white and nothing in between. I wanted things to be the way they used to be. Black. White.

Not this gray.

My father was everything I wanted to be. My father was everything I didn't want to be. That's white. And that's black. I was feeling both, so that's gray. Stay with me here.

Dean was an overrated holier-than-thou basketball player that everyone worshipped. Dean is the greatest basketball player to set foot in our school. That's black. That's white. But I'm seeing, feeling, knowing fucking gray.

And then, there's her.

"Someone might see us," I said. I felt her tense against me, and I knew she liked things just black and white too. I knew that she was trying to make things between us black and white. Just like before, but just the opposite. Inverted versions of what we once were.

"They're all at the basketball game. No one will see us," she said after a moment.

"I should be there, watching the other teams. We'll be playing their team next week after all."

"I suppose you should be there. And I should be cheering for my best friend, but here we are," she said softly while nuzzling my neck.

And it didn't make any sense.

"If we're going to serve detention, we might as well be civil about it... Do you think it's possible that we could just forget who we are to each other? Just for now."

And the wind blew and the leaves continued their dance, and we sat in that tree I swore to burn down once upon a time.

The questions and answers hung in the air between us. They'd hung there since the beginning. And sometimes she answered and other times I asked. Sometimes we'd acknowledge the inevitable, but not for long.

We wanted it, you know. Black and white.

We yearned for a reality where the irrationality of a black cloud, a white night, a black rose and two members of the most known feuding family, Fenessy and Michaels to be together and it made perfect sense.

It wasn't some petty romance. This wasn't the love that all the girls dreamt about. This wasn't love. There's an end to everything. An edge to everything. The fucking end. And Amie and I... we just reached the edge of a burning hate and we had nothing left to do except fall.

It's not supposed to make any sense.

Sometimes I felt like I was the only one falling. She glided through the days as if nothing had changed. Her friendship with Dean was as strong as ever, even though she was going behind their backs and having an affair with one of their worst enemies. She treated me as if I had been her lover for years instead of someone who despised her for what they are.

She was keeping her balance and I was stumbling around frustrated and stupid, trying to find some semblance of normality in all of this.

She drove me crazy.

"Kiss me."

Yeah, fucking crazy.

"Fenessy! Oh my... Fenessy! Did you fall? What were you thinking?! Are you okay? Say something!"

I had wanted to kiss her for a long time. Maybe since that night during 8th grade that I realized for the first time she was female and quite attractively so. I pushed those thoughts away, though, because she was a member of the Michaels family and never, I repeat that, never does a member of the Fenessy family associate with them. But those thoughts, and that want, came back full force the day she leaned over me, concern marring her features, and told me I had to be an absolute idiot if I couldn't keep my balance is such a large tree.

"You're a basketball player for Pete's sake!"

To this day I still blame the concussion for making me begin to want and desire something so utterly forbidden.

God, I wanted her.

And now I had her, and for some reason the ache for her still remained. Even now, as my lips touched her it spun like a white ball of pain in my chest that grew when she nibbled on my bottom lip and caressed my face with a gentleness I couldn't comprehend.

"I don't understand it either. Do you think I want to feel this way about you? I don't at all. But I can't ignore it anymore. So where do we go from here Fenessy?"

Sometimes I wondered what my father and mother would think if they saw me now. Would they be too shocked to remember to be angry? Would my mother pity me? Would my father cast me away and strip me of my name?

Would I be too caught up in Amie to care?

Yes.

And it just wasn't supposed to make any sense.

A loud roar of overexcited crowd came from the direction of the gym and Amie pulled her lips away from mine and looked toward it.

"Dean's team must have won," she said her hazel eyes were bright with pride and her smile was knowing.

The usual envy of Dean Carter and something more violent took hold of me and I snarled at her. "Guess you'll be wanting to go congratulate him on how wonderfully perfect he is. Suppose you'll want to worship him with the rest of them."

She looked at me. Started at my tone. I expected her to get angry with me and tell me off like she usually did when I spoke of Carter this way. Which was all the time, mind you. I expected a stony glare and a cold shoulder. But I didn't get any of that.

She just shook her head. "Oh Josh..." She said and smiled sadly. She leaned toward me and kissed me softly.

I knew that with that kiss that she was mine. That's white. But she would always have a place for Carter that was right above my own. That's black.

"I'll see you later tonight," She said and with a skill I would always admire, she crawled over my lap and climbed down the tree, her eyes never leaving mine.

And this is gray.

When she was safely on the ground she turned to leave, but then stopped, and stared at me, frowning.

"What?" I snapped.

"Will you be able to get down without breaking your neck?" She asked, her tone dead serious.

My eyes narrowed. "Don't be stupid. Now go. Hurry to your Carter, Michaels before he starts to wonder where you are."

She stared at me for a long time. The sun was falling below the horizon casting a red glow on the grounds. The warm light caught her eyes and turned them a deep auburn.

They burned.

"I wish I could love you Josh."

They fucking burned.

The wind picked up again, the leaves spiraled around her, glowing with the dying light. Golden and red. I closed my eyes. Shut the image out. I wanted it gone.

I opened my eyes and it was gone.

"Are you afraid of change? I am, sometimes I always want things to be stable and concrete... but then it falls apart. For better or worse, it always fall apart. You'd figure I'd be used to it by now, but if I were... this, you and me, wouldn't be so odd, now would it?"

I leaned my head against the tree's trunk and quietly damned the world.

[END OF PART ONE]

dancing in the moonlight.

2006-12-26T17:21:00.000+08:00

Christmas is over and done with and I can't wait for New Year. XD Albeit, this year it feels so different from the past Christmases and New Years we had. I wonder why.This is my picture when I got my hair cut. Bangs, pare. Bangs. XD

Doesn't look too bad does it?

Happy New Year!!

in the spirit of christmas. :)

2006-12-25T01:15:00.001+08:00

O little town of Bethlehem,
How still we see thee lie.
Above thy deep and dreamless fatima
The silent stars go by.

O Little Town Of Bethlehem
from the Christmas Song Generator.

tis the season.

2006-12-24T13:10:00.000+08:00

Teddy and I would like to wish everyone..

a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS and

a PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR!

♥

madness pare.

2006-12-23T11:09:00.000+08:00

O. God. The title of book seven has been released. EARLY CHRISTMAS PRESENT FROM JK ROWLING!! Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. XD

This is just too exciting. I can't wait for the movie and the book!! XDD

Lucky people from the UK can already order for the book. How annoying.

XD

trigger happy.

2006-12-22T20:41:00.000+08:00

If there's such a word like trigger happy, is there a word trigger sad? Which sounds absolutely horrible if you ask me.

I got what I wished for, Veronika Decides to Die. But not the other ones. I seriously want my mom to go home. This sadness is just too much, and to think it's Christmas.

And I-Benevolence people who didn't go today, I seriously dislike you at the moment. What the F happened? Why didn't you guys attend? That was seriously irresponsible and annoying of you. And for your information, Mrs. Felicerta was greatly disappointed. Gah. ~~Ingrates.~~ I am just freaking annoyed at the moment.

And for that person who tried to give me a gift but I didn't accept it [wtf is wrong with me?] I'm terribly sorry. Believe me when I say I was just kidding when I did that. Seriously.

And can someone buy me the silicon something from humor post for the 2GB iPod? The angel one. It is just so terribly cute~

XD

♥

someday.

2006-12-22T19:44:00.000+08:00

Someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, I wanted you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day I'll forget about you
You'll see, I won't even miss you
Someday, someday

I keep wishing that that someday would come.

Sooner or later, I have to move on.

Don't I?

Christmas is just around the corner.

2006-12-22T12:14:00.000+08:00

We're going to have a Christmas party for our class last year. It's going to be fun. XD Albeit, we're not really sure of the availability of our venue. Aah, screw venue. We're going to have this party anyways. XD haha.

Oh, and Landon Carter.. I love you!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Screw that.

New Year is a time for change.

2006-12-21T20:58:00.000+08:00

And what great change it is.

I've been bothering my dad for the past week to let me have bangs. Fortunately, he did. :) I now have bangs, but damn it.. I look like.. gah! I don't know what I look like. For me it looks okay, but for others.. it might not. And that sucks cause I'll be hearing comments behind my back that I look like a freak. So much for Christmas.

*~*
ANSWERS!

Q1: If you know a woman who's pregnant who had 8 kids already, 3 were deaf, 2 were blind and 1 was mentally retarded not to mention she has syphilis [it's an STD] would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Q2: It's time to elect a new world leader and only your vote counts, here are the facts about the 3 candidates:

Candidate A:
- associates himself with crooked politicians
- consults with astrologists
- had 3 mistresses
- chain smokes and drinks 8-10 times a day

Candidate B:
- he was kicked out of the office twice
- sleeps till noon
- used opium and drinks a quart of whiskey everyday

Candidate C:
- he is a decorated war hero
- a vegetarian, doesn't smoke and drinks occasionally
- never cheated on his wife

If you chose NO TO ABORTION, congratulations. You just didn't kill Beethoven. :)

If you chose Candidate A, nice job! You voted Franklin Roosevelt as the new world leader.

If you chose Candidate B, good work! You just voted Winston Churchill as the new leader of the world.

If you chose Candidate C, congratulations! You just voted Adolf Hitler as the new world leader.

P.S. For all those who gave me gifts, and are planning to give me presents, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! XD

P.P.S

DEAR SANTA,
I have not been good this year. So don't bother coming to our house unless you will give lots of presents for my brothers.

[P.P.]P.S. We don't have a chimney anyways so it's really out of the question.

Love,
Fatima

All I want for Christmas is you.

2006-12-19T20:58:00.000+08:00

I've decided to turn over a new leaf. I know it's too early for New Year's resolutions but must we really wait for New Year to change? I mean, isn't change inevitable? Sooner or later, we have to accept the fact that we need to move forward.

Anyways, I've decided to be an environmentalist.

*crickets*

Okay, not the best reciprocation I've received but it's better than nothing. And I am seriously considering turning vegetarian.

*laughter can be heard from the audience. not the hey-i'm-gonna-shut-up-now kind of laugh but the i'll-laugh-till-i-can't-laugh-no-more kind of laugh*

What? I now find the slaughter of animals repulsive. And since I think I failed our test in Biology, I need to freaking bring a specimen.

All together, eww.

It's not that it's disgusting, it's more the fact that I don't wanna kill any poor animal. That's just sad.

And besides, I really need to lose weight. I mean, have you seen ME?! Nope, I'm guessing not. And it's not a big loss really. XD

And by the way, I really need someone to give me the book "VERONIKA DECIDES TO DIE". Gah. I need it. Like need in the sense that I'll-die-if-you-don't-give-me-this type of need. Waa.

:)

2006-12-18T20:13:00.000+08:00

Forgive me. I am so terribly insightful today. By the way Fermin, you are so funny earlier.

*Script not accurate. Based only on what I remember.*

"I'm an asteroid and I'm gonna banish all of you." [Wehh. Don't believe this. I made it up. It has the same sense though. =P]

"Noooo!"

"Yeeees!"

"Noooo!"

"Yeeees!"

"Noooo!"

"Yeeees!"

"Noooo!"

"Okay fine, you win." *slowly turns around to walk away*

"Wait! You tricked me. Now I'm mad. Grr."

HAHAHAHA. I just love it. ♥

keep holding on.

2006-12-18T20:05:00.000+08:00

Until that day comes, when it hurts so much more than how it hurts today, and until that day I'm ready to let go.. I'll keep holding on.

Love can move mountains. Why can't I move his heart?

"Maybe you're not trying hard enough."

"Maybe I'm not..

because maybe he's just not worth it."

"Don't worry child, he's worth each and every one of it."

"Promise?"

"I swear."

I hope so.

differentiate.

2006-12-17T19:40:00.000+08:00

Differentiate dream from an illusion.

Dreams are from the heart.

Illusions are from the mind.

Dreams are things that you want to attain, but then they become reality. And reality is just harsh.

Sometimes when reality gives you a call, you wake up realizing that all of this is just too good to be true, that all of this is just a dream and that hurts because for once, just for once.. it feels like the whole world is going right. Then again, dreaming isn't supposed to be real.

Dreaming awakens the imagination and lets us believe that we can be what we want to be, that that reality is at least attainable.

Nellie O'Malley: First snow. Do you think we're dreaming?
Samantha: If we are, I hope I never wake up.

-- Samantha: An American Girl Holiday

Wake up child, nothing is like that. Reality is giving you a call. Sorry to burst your bubble, but it's the truth. And truth hurts.

Stuff to provocatively challenge the mind.

2006-12-17T11:31:00.000+08:00

Challenge!! Answer the following questions given below and post your answers in my tagboard with reasons why, since my HaloScan Commenting sh.it. isn't working, which sucks if you ask me.

Oh, and students of Mrs. Abadilla can't answer this because you already know the answer and that would make it all worthless. I'll be posting the answer [probably] next week. :)

*~*

Q1: If you know a woman who's pregnant who had 8 kids already, 3 were deaf, 2 were blind and 1 was mentally retarded not to mention she has syphilis [it's an STD] would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Q2: It's time to elect a new world leader and only your vote counts, here are the facts about the 3 candidates:

Candidate A:
- associates himself with crooked politicians
- consults with astrologists
- had 3 mistresses
- chain smokes and drinks 8-10 times a day

Candidate B:
- he was kicked out of the office twice
- sleeps till noon
- used opium and drinks a quart of whiskey everyday

Candidate C:
- he is a decorated war hero
- a vegetarian, doesn't smoke and drinks occasionally
- never cheated on his wife

Dandy eh? XD I just loved this week especially our English class. It was just so.. thought provoking. Hehe. XD

:)

2006-12-13T17:42:00.000+08:00

And my ultimate favorite...

Aww. HAHA. XD

I should be doing a lot of things other than this but I can't resist.

Besides, if the frequency of the recessive allele is 30 percent, the frequency of the heterozygous carrier would be what percent?

Long live biology.

This is the story of a girl..

2006-12-12T18:56:00.000+08:00

who cried a river and drowned the whole world. =c

I'm still hung up about last Sunday. It was just so much fun. Too much adventures in one day. It's just annoying because I didn't get to watch Happy Feet. Aww. XD

And this freaky guy keeps texting me and won't stop bothering me. I told him to give it a rest already, but he won't freaking stop. Thank you so much cousin.. this is all your bloody fault.

You could just go to hell right now and I won't bloody give a damn. That's how much I love my cousin. She's just bloody annoying and frustrating these days. I swear, one of these days I am going to kill her.

Okay, maybe not. I would if I could be bothered, but I'm just too freakin tired.

"And just then did she realize, she truly did love him. No, she loves him still."

Weh.

2006-12-09T18:14:00.000+08:00

On the other hand, I love my iPod. HAHA.

It's silver with a 2 GB capacity. I love it. ♥

*~*

Last Friday was just... sad. =c

I even cried for that thing. That's how important it was for me. And then to have it taken away.. it's not at all fun.

oh yeah?!

2006-12-09T18:09:00.000+08:00

Ever felt the fear of your head blowing up because everything's just so confusing and frustrating it doesn't even make sense?

That's what it felt like losing something we actually did think we have a chance of winning.

4 words:

We.want.freaking.justice.

Want, not need.

P.S. Congratulations to those who won.
P.P.S. I'm not being sarcastic.
P.P.P.S. Okay... so maybe I am.
P.P.P.P.S. Well, not really. I'm dead serious.

just lose it.

2006-11-30T20:01:00.000+08:00

I. can't. fucking. breathe.

Fuckitty fuck.

P.S. Sorry for the profanity but I can't express how I feel right now because my chest is constricting. Fuck.

hah.

2006-11-29T20:21:00.000+08:00

As it turns out, I am officially a walking disaster. Just this day, I broke my friend's hair mousse stuff and I stepped on my classmate's fingers.

Now wasn't that fun?

No classes tomorrow because of the super typhoon which is not at all fun. I'm scared.

Picture. XD

How I long to be.

2006-11-29T18:07:00.000+08:00

I long for a place where every thing that is ruined is not blamed on me.

I long to be in a place where people don't give an F about what I say, about what I do.

I long to be in a time when we don't seem so wrong anymore. =c

ADHD

2006-11-28T18:52:00.000+08:00

Symptoms for ADHD

Inattention

Often does not give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, work, or other activities.
Often has trouble keeping attention on tasks or play activities.
Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly.
Often does not follow instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace (not due to oppositional behavior or failure to understand instructions).
Often has trouble organizing activities.
Often avoids, dislikes, or doesn't want to do things that take a lot of mental effort for a long period of time (such as schoolwork or homework).
Often loses things needed for tasks and activities (e.g. toys, school assignments, pencils, books, or tools).
Is often easily distracted.
Is often forgetful in daily activities.

Sounds familiar? I think I have it. Craaap.

tsk.

2006-11-26T21:27:00.000+08:00

It's amazing how people can change in just a matter of months. I'm not talking about myself so leave me alone.

Anyways, I know these two [different] girls. They used to live here in the Philippines and they migrated there about a year ago. They live separately. Basta, they're two different people that by some twisted turn of fate, both changed dramatically. They went from this two very simple girls to two extremely vain/conceited people. I'm vain too but not in that sense. Okay, so maybe there's nothing wrong with that but I feel when I see their pictures that I don't know them anymore. Which is sad when you think about it.

Man, I grew up with these two people. How saddening is that?

I miss both of them. I miss the old them. =c